This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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