To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
