I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
