Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
