new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
we're so committed to being not committed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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