I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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