I got chris browned last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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