You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
