# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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