I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
