end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It was confusing and full of hummus
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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