Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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