he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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