My liver just broke up with me...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
