you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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