doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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