the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
