Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
