I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
