I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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