She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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