i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
