Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
