Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
