She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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