If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize