Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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