Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
