Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
