at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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