I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
