You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
