haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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