So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
