i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
