so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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