I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
sex in a hospital.. check
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
