Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
