He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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