I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
