No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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