dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
