If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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