i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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