I seem to have left my pride at pride
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
