Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize