Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
where am i from again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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