OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
everyone is single if you try hard enough
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
