if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
