she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
