I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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