Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
