she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
