Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
