Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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