so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
