he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize