here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
