After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
