if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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