At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
