Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
