Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
