bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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