everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
