Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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