Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
