Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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