You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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