Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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