quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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