do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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