I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
