you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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