I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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