mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
