I didn't shave. On purpose
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
