Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
