Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
