Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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